Dreaming While Awake
by princessbuffy79
Summary: Buffy finds things are a little off in her world. But is she awake, or is it a dream?
1. Long Day

Title: Dreaming While Awake   
Author: Melissa  
Email: princessbuffy79@hotmail.com  
Rating: PG13  
Disclaimer: Come on, if I owned any of these characters, would I be   
begging anyone to please read my stories? Sadly, Buffy and co. are   
owned by Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, The WB, and whoever   
else holds rights. I'm just borrowing them for my own twisted   
pleasure for the moment. K.O.??? Also, the song "Everything" is by Lifehouse, written by lead singer, Jason Wade. Marti Noxon wrote "Into the Woods".   
Summary: Buffy finds things are a little off in her world. But is she awake, or is it a dream?  
Spoilers: All events leading up to the current Season 5 episodes are fair game.   
Distribution: If you want it, go ahead. Just let me know where it's going.  
Feedback: Feedback is good, very good.  
  
Author's notes: This story was inspired by the movie Passion of the Mind in which Demi Moore plays a woman who lives two separate lives. When she falls asleep in one, she wakes up in the other. Both are so real to her, she doesn't know which one is real and which one is the dream. I figured this could be kinda cool, so I altered it a little to suit my purposes. Oh yeah, Riley never left either.   
  
  
  
  
Buffy flopped onto her bed, bones weary and head aching. The day had been long and hard and the night didn't look too promising, either.  
  
Her days were beginning to run together. School was secondary to her family, so she rarely went anymore. And it sucked. She had been doing well for the first time in her life and now, she was struggling just to keep up.  
  
Buffy glanced at the pile of books lying on her floor and groaned. There was so much homework to do, but she just couldn't motivate to start. Willow was being great by bringing it to her and helping her with the material, but real life was simply too much to deal with right now.   
  
Buffy closed her eyes and sunk deeper into her pillow. Sometimes, she just wished she could close her eyes and shut out the world. Maybe she should just quit school. Not for good, just for now. Buffy sighed. She knew she had to at least finish this semester. Her mother would be so disappointed in her if she just gave up. Buffy felt like she had disappointed her mother too much already in her short life. She didn't want to add more fuel to that fire.  
  
The tired Slayer looked over at the angry red numbers on her alarm clock. "Evil clock," she mumbled, briefly wondering how to put it out of its misery. "Sledge hammer would work," she mused. "Just one quick swing and * poof * no more clock."  
  
"Oh great! I'm starting to sound like Willow," Buffy muttered. A moment later she groaned, "And now I'm talking to myself. Geez, I'm a real winner."  
  
Buffy closed her eyes. "Just for a moment," she thought. What seemed like only a few minutes later, the exhausted girl was startled awake by the screaming alarm.  
  
"That's odd," Buffy thought, reaching over to turn the annoyance off. "I don't remember turning that on."  
  
Shrugging off her confusion, Buffy dragged herself into a sitting position.  
  
"Ugh!" she groaned, looking at the time once more. Time to patrol. Buffy felt sluggish, but she knew she had to go out. It might do her some good, slaying demons, both figuratively and physically. Slaying was something she could control. She could push her thoughts and feelings to the back of her mind and just go through the motions. Her one-time curse had turned out to be a blessing in disguise.   
  
Standing up, Buffy became dizzy. "Not now," she groaned, sitting back down. Buffy knew she shouldn't go out alone, but who would go with her? Riley just brought too much emotional baggage with him and Willow was out for the evening with Tara. Xander was the logical solution. She could use a little cheering up.  
  
Buffy reached for the phone beside her. Picking up the receiver, she heard her sister's excited voice as she talked to someone on the other end.  
  
"Dawn, I need the phone," Buffy sighed, expecting an argument that never came.  
  
"Okay, just give me a minute," Dawn quickly replied.  
  
Stunned, Buffy placed the receiver back in its cradle. "What's going on here?" she wondered. Dawn was never that easygoing when it came to using the phone.  
  
"I'm off!" Dawn's yelled, her voice muffled by the wall between the two girls' rooms. Buffy leaned over and picked up the phone. She quickly dialed Xander's number, stored in her memory.  
  
"Hey Dawn, Buffy done already?" Xander's amused voice rang out, clear as a bell over the phone.  
  
"Dawn was talking to you?" Buffy was surprised. She reminded herself that she shouldn't be. Dawn had a huge crush on Xander. She was just glad Xander took it all in stride and played along.   
  
"Buff?" now it was Xander's turn to be surprised. Oops! He had almost ruined the surprise. He would have to be more careful next time. "So, what's up?"  
  
"Oh, I was just wondering if you wanted to go patrolling with me," Buffy replied. "It's just that I'm tired and could use back-up."  
  
"You ok?" Xander quickly became serious. He worried so much about her.  
  
"I'm fine," Buffy assured him. He relaxed a bit, if only for the moment. "It's just been a long day."  
  
"I hear you," Xander commented. "I'll be there in a few."   
  
Xander hung up and Buffy did the same. She stood up, no longer feeling dizzy. "Good," she thought. "A dizzy Slayer is a dead Slayer."  
  
Buffy moved about the room, gathering supplies for patrol. She did a quick inventory, making sure she had everything. Stakes and Holy water were all she decided to bring with her. The Slayer reached up to touch the necklace she always wore, close to her heart. Instead of feeling the familiar cross she was used to, her fingers touched a smaller cross with a circular ring around it. She pulled it out from under her shirt and looked it over. It was a cross necklace similar to the one Angel gave her, but this one was smaller. Attached to the chain, circling the cross, was a ring. It was a beautiful silver ring with a delicate jeweled design around the band. "Looks like a promise ring," Buffy commented. But where did it come from?  
  
Just then, there was a knock at the door. Buffy rushed down the stairs to the front door. She glanced in the living room and noticed her mother sitting with Giles. "When did he get here?" Buffy wondered. She also noticed her mother looked like she was doing much better, a healthy glow radiating from her. Joyce noticed Buffy and waved a hand at her. Giles turned and smiled at his Slayer.   
  
Buffy turned back and opened the door. Xander stood there, wearing jeans and a pale blue dress shirt. Buffy was surprised. He looked good. Xander smiled at Buffy and pulled a small fistful of daisies from behind his back.  
  
"Flowers for milady," he offered with a bow. Buffy smiled and accepted them, curtseying.  
  
"Thank you, kind sir," she replied, giggling.   
  
Xander looked at Buffy, gazing deep into her eyes. "Sweetheart, an entire day without you is one day too many." And with that, Xander leaned in and kissed her, stealing her breath away. Startled, Buffy leaned into him. "Just what is going on here?" she wondered briefly before losing herself in the passion of the moment.  



	2. Stranger and Stranger

Disclaimers and General Information in first chapter.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Buffy lost herself in the moment, feeling the pleasant pressure of Xander's lips against hers. She closed her eyes, releasing a content sigh. But then she remembered who she was kissing.   
  
Startled, Buffy pulled back, "What was that for?"  
  
Xander smiled at her. "Can't a guy be happy to see his girlfriend?"  
  
Buffy lifted her eyebrow, "Girlfriend?"  
  
"Yea, girlfriend," Xander replied. He noticed Buffy seemed a bit confused. His worry came rushing back to the surface. "Are you sure you're ok?"  
  
"I'm fine," Buffy rushed to assure him. She had no clue what was going on here, but she didn't want to concern anyone. She'd just have to get some answers from him later.  
  
Joyce and Giles heard Xander's arrival and joined the two at the door. Giles offered his hand to Xander, who promptly shook it in greeting. Joyce leaned over and hugged him. "Xander," she said. "I hope you make sure she gets back in one piece."  
  
"Of course," Xander responded with a grin. "We're patrolling. Now I can't say the same for our date tomorrow." Joyce laughed and leaned backwards, balancing her weight against Giles stiff form. Giles wrapped his arm around her shoulders and kissed the top of her head.  
  
Buffy was watching this with a great deal of interest. Stranger and stranger. "Um, we better get going," she grabbed Xander's arm and began to pull him out the door. She needed some answers and she needed them now.  
  
"Bye!" Joyce called as Buffy pulled the door shut. The last thing Buffy heard was a squeal from Joyce and Giles' laughter. Buffy inwardly shuddered at the thought of them together. It wasn't that she was against it, but ewww.   
  
Buffy turned left and began to follow the route she had become accustomed to over the years. She could feel Xander's eyes on her, but couldn't bring herself to look at him. When did she and Xander get together? Her mom and Giles? What the heck was going on?  
  
"Ok, Buff," Xander broke the silence. "Spill it."  
  
Startled, Buffy glanced at the familiar form beside her. "What do you mean?"  
  
"Come on, this is me," Xander stopped and turned the Slayer to face him. "Something is bugging you and I want to know what."  
  
Buffy stared at him for a moment. Figuring she had nothing to lose, she blurted out her question, "Xander, when did we start dating?"  
  
Xander shot her a confused look. When she said nothing else, he answered. "Night of Spring Fling, sophomore year." Xander's mind raced, "Oh my god, I didn't forget some anniversary or something, did I?"  
  
Buffy ignored his question and focused instead on the answer. "So I didn't reject you."  
  
"What?" Xander was lost. Something was wrong with his girlfriend, but he didn't know what. "Of course you rejected me. But you changed your mind after the ordeal with the Master."  
  
"When you saved my life," Buffy confirmed.  
  
Xander nodded, "You could say that. I just couldn't let you die." Buffy looked away and began walking again. "Is something wrong? What's with the questions?"  
  
"Huh?" Buffy's mind was reeling. "Oh, I must've hit my head or something. I seem to have forgotten some very important details here."  
  
Xander reached over and felt the back of her head. Feeling nothing, his worry resurfaced once more, "Shouldn't you see a doctor?"  
  
"No, I'm okay," Buffy noticed Xander's concern. She reached over and lightly touched his shoulder. "Really."  
  
Xander relaxed a bit. "You sure?"  
  
"Yes, I'm sure. Just bear with me if I ask some really stupid questions."  
  
Xander wasn't happy with her reply, but he would get over it. Dating a Slayer wasn't easy. He had learned to deal with her stubbornness over the years. She'd talk when she was good and ready.   
  
"And Mom and Giles?" Buffy hesitated to ask.  
  
Xander quickly figured out what she was asking. "Oh, they married not long after the candy incident. Giles had been fired from the Council so he had nothing to lose." Xander laughed, "Boy, you were so ticked off at them. But you got over it pretty quick."  
  
Buffy laughed and Xander felt a bit better. "Yea, I'm sure I was. But I got over it, right?"  
  
"Yeeeesss," Xander drawled.   
  
Buffy realized the questions were causing her "boyfriend" to be quite alarmed and made a decision. She would have to find out what was going on some other way. No more questions. "Ready to kick some demon booty?"  
  
Xander smiled, "Like you need to ask." He tossed a stake in the air, catching it in its downward spiral. "Bring it on!"  
  
As if on cue, three vampires crept out of the darkness from behind an ancient crypt. Assessing the challenge, Buffy glanced back at Xander. "You just had to jinx us, didn't you?"  
  
Xander shrugged and lunged for the first demon. Grabbing the creep by his collar, he tossed him into a nearby headstone.   
  
Buffy quickly occupied herself with the other two vampires. One, a scrawny male with stringy brown hair, was the first to attack. Buffy laughed at his weak attempt and shoved the stake deep into his heart. In a matter of seconds, he was dust.   
  
"How pathetic was that," Buffy called over to Xander as she landed a kick into her second opponent's side.   
  
Xander ducked to avoid being punched and followed up with a swift uppercut of his own. The vampire he was fighting fell backwards, but came back at him, fists flying. Xander's face stung when one of the punches hit their mark. Shaking it off, he raised his leg, kicking the demon in the chest and knocking him flat on the ground. Xander rolled his eyes and finished the creature off, driving the stake into his chest.  
  
Dusting himself off, Xander stood up and looked over at his girlfriend. He briefly wondered if he should assist her, but decided to sit back and watch instead. She attacked her opponent, her limbs disappearing in a flurry of motion. Xander was in awe once more of her skill. She disposed of the vampire quickly, barely breaking a sweat.   
  
Buffy noticed Xander staring at her. "What?" she asked with a smile.   
  
Xander just shook his head. "It's just you." At Buffy's questioning glance, he continued. "Do you know just how beautiful you are to me at this very moment?"  
  
Buffy glanced down and saw that her shirt was torn and there were twigs all over her clothes. She could only imagine what her hair looked like. "Yeah right," she groaned.   
  
Xander reached over and brushed a smudge of dirt off her cheek. "I mean it," he said. "You're beautiful." He pulled her into his arms.  
  
Buffy leaned into his embrace. This wasn't the Xander she was used to. Well, it was, but there was something more. Something she never noticed before. He was sweet and he handled himself well in the fight. Maybe she was dreaming. Buffy couldn't be sure. "Oh well," she thought. "If this is a dream, I might as well take advantage of it."  
  
Xander gave Buffy a swift kiss. Noticing the exhaustion evident on her face, he decided to take her home. "Hey, time for you to get some sleep."  
  
"Yeah, I am really tired," Buffy agreed. She snuggled closer to Xander as they walked back to her house. Once outside the front door, she turned to face her companion.   
  
"Well, here we are," Xander commented.  
  
"Uh huh," she sighed, struggling to keep her eyes open. Xander smiled slightly and leaned in, brushing his lips against hers.   
  
"Go to bed," he told Buffy. "I'll see you tomorrow."  
  
"Promise?" Buffy asked.   
  
"Promise." He replied. "We've got a date."   
  
Buffy watched as Xander walked off into the night before letting herself into the house. Silently, she made her way to her room. In a matter of minutes, Buffy changed her clothes and snuggled deep under the covers. This world was so strange; it had to be a dream. She couldn't believe she was dating Xander. How did that one happen? Was it something deep in her subconscious? Who knew? She was too tired to think about it. For now, she just wanted to sleep. Closing her eyes, Buffy allowed herself to sink into the blissful abyss.  
  
  
"Buffy!"  
  
Buffy stirred and opened one of her eyes. Riley was hovering above her, wearing a goofy grin. "What?"  
  
"Aren't we going out?" he asked her. "Don't tell me you forgot we have plans."  
  
"What plans?" Buffy felt groggy as she struggled into a sitting position. She glanced around at the familiar surroundings. She reached down and rubbed the necklace she always wore, the cross Angel had given her.  
  
"We're supposed to go pick up your mom at the hospital, remember?" Riley reminded her. "She is getting released today."  
  
Buffy sighed, remembering the ordeal she had been through with her mother's tumor. She closed her eyes and thought about her dream. "Crazy," she thought. She opened her eyes and looked at Riley, "Lead the way, soldier boy."  
  
Riley smiled and grabbed Buffy. Tossing her over his shoulder, he made his way to the door.  



	3. Trip to the Hospital

Disclaimer and general info. in first chapter.  
  
  
  
  
Buffy stared out of the passenger window as Riley drove towards the hospital. She watched the trees sway in the breeze. Rolling the window down, Buffy shivered as the wind rushed against her body. Riley glanced over at her, noticing the shiver.  
  
"Are you sure you want the window down?" he asked. "It's kind of cool out tonight."  
  
Buffy looked at him and sighed. He always treated her like a child. "No," she said. "I'm fine." She went back to staring out the window, mentally taking notes about her dream.   
  
"Ok, I was dating Xander. Mom and Giles were together. Mom was healthy. Dawn was there, but she was really nice. Willow...I don't know about Willow," the Slayer thought, racking her brain for references to her best friend.   
  
"Hey," Riley gently shook Buffy from her thoughts. "We're here."  
  
Buffy looked up at the large white building in front of them. This place held so many memories for her, none of them good. She had seen too many of her friends here, close to death. She, herself, had spent many unpleasant evenings here as a patient. But the nights she spent waiting, those were the ones she wanted to forget.   
  
Riley, sensing Buffy's unease, lightly grasped her elbow and led her through the front door. "Your mom's fine, Buffy. The surgery was a success and we are here to pick her up."  
  
"I know," Buffy replied. "It's just that...I can't help but wonder if we are going to get up there and they are going to tell me that..."  
  
"She's fine, Buffy," Riley said and pushed the elevator's call button.  
  
Buffy sighed, "I know." She knew deep down that Riley was right. Her mom was going to be ok. But there was something missing. Something that just seemed off, but she could not, for the life of her, put her finger on what that was. The elevator doors opened with a swoosh and Buffy moved forward. Numbly, she stared into space as Riley reached for the button.  
  
"Hold the elevator!" a voice cried. Buffy looked up and saw Xander rushing toward her. Riley held the doors open and Xander rushed inside.  
  
Buffy smiled, "What are you doing here?"  
  
Xander looked at her and grinned, "What? You think I spent all of that time waiting only to miss out on the fun part?" At Buffy's confused look, he rushed to explain, "I'm here to pick up mom."  
  
"Your mom is..." Riley started. Buffy and Xander both raised their eyebrows and stared at him. "Oh, I get it," Soldier-boy turned red. "Never mind."  
  
Buffy shook her head and looked over at her friend. They shared a private smile, but the moment was over before she knew it. The elevator began its slow ascent and Buffy took a deep breath. Xander reached over and gave her hand a quick squeeze, lending her strength. He knew how much she hated hospitals, even when she was there for a good reason.  
  
Buffy was amazed at how much Xander's little gesture meant to her. She breathed a little easier, knowing he was there. Nothing really bad could happen to her when Xander was around. 'I wonder if that has anything to do with my dream' she wondered, silently. 'Or vice versa.'  
  
The elevator came to a halt and the trio entered the fourth floor lobby. "I'll go find out what's up," Riley said and walked off to the front desk. Buffy and Xander followed behind.  
  
Xander could feel Buffy's continual looks in his direction. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore, "What?"  
  
Buffy looked startled, "Huh?"  
  
"Do I have something on my face?"  
  
"No," she replied. "Why?"  
  
"Because you keep staring at me," Xander told her.  
  
"Oh, that," Buffy said, wondering how much she should tell him. She knew she could always tell him anything, but still... "It's just that I had this dream last night and you..."  
  
"Oooh! I was in your dream!" Xander interrupted. "Was it a naked dream?" Buffy smacked his arm. "Ouch!"  
  
"You deserved that, you pervert," Buffy glowered.  
  
Xander looked at her and realized she was serious. "No, really, what happened in your dream."  
  
Buffy glared at him for a moment before starting again. "Well, I had this dream and..."  
  
"Your mom is waiting in her room for us," Riley said as he broke into their conversation. The three began to walk down the hall.  
  
"Well," Xander prodded Buffy. She just shook her head in response. After a few moments of silence, she told him, "I'll tell you later."  
  
"Tell him what later?" Riley asked, suddenly suspicious of Xander's appearance at the hospital.   
  
"Nothing," Buffy tried to assure her boyfriend. "Really," she added when Riley didn't seem convinced.  
  
They arrived at Joyce's room. "Wait here." Buffy instructed the two guys, entering the room alone. She tiptoed into the room, unsure if her mother was awake or not.   
  
Joyce smiled as her daughter crept into view. "It's all right Buffy. I'm ready to go home now."  
  
"You sure?" Buffy smiled. "I mean, I'm sure we could arrange for you to stay a few more days."  
  
"Don't you dare," Joyce glared at Buffy. "I might just have to disown you."  
  
"You wouldn't," Buffy feigned innocence. "I'm your only daughter." Buffy stopped for a moment before adding, "Well, sort of."  
  
"Speaking of non-daughters, where is Dawn?" Joyce asked Buffy.  
  
"She's at school and Riley and Xander are waiting in the hall," the Slayer replied. "Ready to go?"  
  
"Yes, please. Get me out of here."  
  
Buffy released a content sigh and began to push her mother's wheelchair toward the door. Things were going to be all right. Her mother was going home and other than Glory, things were quiet on the slaying portion of her life. Things weren't too bad. But that dream...   



	4. Thoughts on Paper

"Ugh!" Buffy groaned as she flopped down on her bed. It had been a busy day, and she was tired. Giles had called only minutes after they brought her mother home. Apparently, she needs to train twice as hard now that her mom is in the clear. To Giles, she always needs to train twice as hard.  
  
Buffy winced as she stretched out her left arm. It was tender from her sparring session with Xander. When did he learn to fight like that? She must really be off her game to let a hit like that get by. Maybe Giles wasn't wrong in suggesting she train more. And Xander offered his assistance. She deserved revenge for his sneaky tactics this afternoon.  
  
The Slayer rubbed her eyes before rolling over onto her stomach. Reaching under the mattress, she grabbed her journal. So much had been going on in her life that she didn't have too much time to write anymore. But she always wrote in it when she had the chance. It helped to get the thoughts and emotions onto paper. Such a simple act, but it helped to make things easier to deal with. Her journal was a good friend, never criticizing, never demanding. Only there to listen. Too bad it couldn't offer advice.   
  
Buffy tapped her pen on the comforter as she organized her thoughts. "Today is..." she thought, chewing on her lower lip. She looked at the calendar hanging on her wall. "Wow! Where did the time go?" It was getting close to her least favorite time of year, her birthday. Bad things just always seemed to happen then. But she didn't want to think about that right now. Maybe she'd get lucky and everyone would just forget this year. For now, she just wanted to write.  
  
"I don't know where to start right now. I haven't written in so long, but so much has happened to me. Mom had a brain tumor. Boy was that a nightmare. She had surgery, though, and so far so good. I'm not going to say that she will be better, I'm just going to hope. I have a sister now. Dawn. These monks created her or something like that. She is mystical energy made human and placed under my care. Why? Because I'm the Slayer. Why else?  
  
I know both of those things are important events, but right now, I can't concentrate on them enough to write it down. I need to talk about this dream I had last night. Not a prophetic dream like others I've had, just a dream. But this dream was so real, everything felt like it was really happening. I need to talk to Willow, but she's out with Tara right now. Like usual. Yes, I'm happy for her. But I need her right now and she's not there. Then again, where was I when she needed me last year? You know, that time I was so wrapped up with Riley I didn't see how much pain she was going through, losing Oz and all.   
  
Back to the dream: Xander and I were dating. Like, for years. Ever since he saved my life when I drowned. Mom was fine, apparently never having a tumor. Dawn was here, but she was so nice. And...ewww...Giles and Mom were married. Hmmm...Giles as my father. I can see how that could happen when I dream. He's more of a father to me than Him. You know, "Mr. Summers." But Xander? How'd I end up dating him? We're just friends. OK, so maybe he is kind of cute. Gorgeous even. But I don't think I could ever date him. He's my best friend.   
  
Then again, he's always been there for me. Even when I wasn't there for him. I've been trying to do better this year. I want to be a better friend. I just wish I could erase last year. Well, except for Riley. He has been one steady thing in my crazy life lately. I can depend on him.   
  
But Xander has been there too. I'm so confused right now. I've learned not to take my dreams lightly. Unless it has Giles hula-dancing in Antarctica because that would never happen. Too cold. There's just something about this dream, though. It's not letting me forget. I found myself thinking about it all day long. Especially when I should have been concentrating on more important things, like training. Xander came close to knocking me down a few times. He was my sparring partner and I just couldn't focus. The only thing I could think of was how it felt to kiss him. It was so amazing. More than that, I just can't find the words. It just felt right.   
  
I wanted to share my dream with Xander, but I chickened out. He kept asking me, but I just couldn't. Right now, it's too personal. Mine. I don't want to share it with anyone quite yet. Am I making any sense?"  
  
A soft tapping on the door startled Buffy from her thoughts. "Come in," she called.  
  
"Hey honey," Joyce said, moving across the room to sit on the end of Buffy's bed. Buffy quickly shoved her journal under the pillow.   
  
"Hey Mom," Buffy replied. "Shouldn't you be resting?"  
  
"Probably," Joyce agreed. "But it seems that is all I've been doing lately. It just feels good to be home." Joyce opened her arms and Buffy scooted across the bed, eagerly awaiting the embrace. Her mother could still make her feel like a child. Safe and innocent tucked away from the world.   
  
"I'm glad you're home," Buffy mumbled. She snuggled closer to her mother, content to sit in silence. Joyce began stroking Buffy's hair, soft, gentle strokes. Buffy's eyelids felt heavy. She couldn't resist the urge any longer and closed them.  
  
As she drifted off into blissful sleep, Buffy could hear her mother softly humming a lullaby. She smiled inwardly at the familiar tune, a childhood favorite of hers. Her mother was home. For now, that was all that mattered.  
  
  
  
Buffy slowly opened her eyes, fighting the remaining traces of sleep from her mind. She glanced around the room, smiling at the memory. Last night was nice. She fell asleep in her mother's arms. She hadn't done that in ages. Lately, it was always Dawn who got to be "momma's little girl." Never Buffy. Buffy briefly wondered what her relationship with her mother was like before Dawn got implanted into their lives. "Was it better?" she wondered.  
  
Buffy's thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. "Yes," she called out.  
  
The door opened and Dawn poked her head through the crack. "Breakfast is ready," she said. "You joining us?"  
  
"Be down in a moment," Buffy replied. Dawn shrugged and took off down the stairs. Buffy walked over to the mirror and ran a brush through her hair. A bright flash caught her attention. She reached down for the chain around her neck. Pulling it up, she noticed it was the cross from her dream. Curious, she fingered the ring attached to the necklace. Buffy noticed writing on the underside and squinted to read the tiny print. "B/X Forever" was all it said. "It's beautiful," Buffy remarked, quietly to herself. "But where did it come from?"  
  
Buffy headed for the kitchen, the smells of crisp bacon and French toast filling the air. "Yum," she said, turning the corner into the kitchen. "Smells delic…" Buffy noticed the group surrounding the table. Dawn, Joyce, and Giles all stared back at her, waiting for the rest of her sentence.  
  
"Um, Giles," Buffy squeaked. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"Very funny, Buffy," Giles dryly stated. "You know very well that I live here. Now come have a seat."  
  
Buffy stared at the scene for a moment longer before her world went black and she hit the floor.   
  
  
  



	5. Missing Pieces

  
  
"Buffy?"  
  
Buffy felt like she was drifting through a heavy fog. Her arms and legs felt weighted down by some unknown force. Then came the sharp sting of a hand as it made contact with her cheek. "Wha..."  
  
"Sorry," Giles said. "Are you ok?"  
  
Buffy sat up slowly. Her mother and Giles helped her stand up, both of their faces deeply etched with worry. 'I must be dreaming,' she thought, noticing the wedding ring on Giles' left hand. 'That's right. He married my mom in my dream.' Buffy snuck a quick look at her mother's hand. Sure enough, there was a matching band on her finger.   
  
"Are you OK?" Giles repeated.   
  
"Yes, I'm fine," Buffy muttered. She struggled to find an explanation for her behavior. "Maybe I'm coming down with something," she commented, the excuse sounding lame to her own ears.  
  
"But you don't get sick," Giles replied. Buffy glared at him.  
  
"I can get sick," she argued. "It just doesn't last that long. In fact, I'm already feeling better."  
  
Giles didn't look convinced, but Joyce placed a hand on his shoulder. "Rupert, dear, she says she's fine. Just let her be."  
  
Giles looked at Joyce and smiled, "All right. But maybe we shouldn't train today. You should stay home and rest. I'll get Willow to help me patrol tonight."   
  
"And me?" Dawn asked hopefully.  
  
"No, Dawn, you can't go," Giles told her. Buffy tried to prevent a small smile, but failed miserably. This may be a dream, but it was a good dream. Giles looked so happy. She hadn't seen him this happy since...well, since Jenny.   
  
Buffy remembered something. Her journal. Maybe it would hold the clues to this world. How did things come to be? "I'm going to head up to my room," Buffy stated as she rushed up the stairs.  
  
"But what about breakfast?" Joyce's voice trailed in the wake of the Slayer. Buffy didn't bother to reply. She was on a mission for some answers. Breakfast could wait.  
  
Buffy pushed her door open and rushed to the bed. She quickly felt under the mattress for the familiar shape of her journal. Instead, she only felt the cool smoothness of the sheets. Concerned, Buffy shoved her hand deeper into the recess between the layers. Nothing.  
  
The Slayer moved to her bedside table and pulled open the drawer, searching for the book. Her chest and dresser drawers turned up nothing as well. Buffy marched over to the closet and threw open the door. 'I wouldn't put my journal in the closet in any reality,' she thought, scrunching up her nose. She was about to close the door when an item caught her interest. Pulling the dress out, Buffy held it up for inspection.   
  
"Wow," Buffy exclaimed. The dress was simple, yet elegant. It was basic black with a soft rose tint when you held the fabric just so. Buffy loved it, but she didn't remember buying it. 'When did I get this?' she wondered. Then she remembered her mission. To find the journal.  
  
Buffy sat on the floor and tried to think of where she would put it. The thought that maybe she didn't keep a journal never crossed her mind. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath and thought back to the last time that she saw it. Visions of the other reality invaded her mind. She remembered writing in the journal and then a knock on the door. She shoved the journal under her pillow as her mother entered her room.  
  
"Could it be?" Buffy mumbled, scrambling over to the bed once more. She felt under the pillow and, sure enough, felt the familiar hardness of her journal. She pulled it out and grabbed the pillow. Making herself comfortable on the floor, Buffy settled down to read. But where to begin? Probably with her arrival in Sunnydale. Most likely, that's where things go awry.  
  
Journal entry  
  
"I can't believe she actually did it. Mom made us move to this incredibly small town where I have no friends. Not that I had many left at Hemery, but it was easier to escape there. But now I am here in Sunnydale and I am alone. It sucks."  
  
Buffy skimmed the pages, looking for a mention of Xander. Finding one, she continued reading.   
  
"Who would've thought? I found a couple of friends in this 'One Starbucks town'. At least, that is what I hope Xander and Willow are. I had the chance to be really popular again when the queen of the school, Cordelia, decided to talk to me. How lucky for me! Was I really that shallow in LA? Probably. But something is different now. I don't want to be popular. Well, at least not like Cordelia, popular. But I'm getting off track here.  
  
I met Xander first. I accidentally ran into this guy and my bag fell over, knocking everything onto the ground. Then this other guy, who was kind of cute in a goofy way, stopped to help me pick my stuff up. I was so embarrassed, I rushed off. Apparently I forgot a stake. Oops! Major bad. I had to cover when he handed it back to me later that day. Said it was for defense. I think he bought it. At first."  
  
Buffy remembered this story. It was exactly how she remembered. She met Willow and Jesse. Later that night at the Bronze, the vamps took Willow and Jesse and eventually, they lost Jesse. She met Angel. Thought he was hot. Skimming the pages, the Slayer realized that nothing was different. That is, until she reached the night she died.  
  
"This will be short, because I don't have the strength to write right now. Tonight, I, Buffy Summers, died. There was this prophecy that said I would, but I didn't think it would actually happen. I've beaten stupid prophecies before, but this one. It was different. I knew that the first moment I heard Angel and Giles discussing it. After that, my mind went blank. I don't remember much of what happened. I know I hit Giles so he wouldn't stop me from going after the Master. I also know the Master said it was my fault. I was the reason he got free. How stupid I was. I went down there but if I hadn't, the Master would never have escaped. He used this hypno-crap on me and I couldn't resist. I walked over to him and…and I died.  
  
Apparently, I drowned. The next thing I remember is Xander. I remember the burning sensation in my lungs as I coughed up all of the water. And I remember Xander holding me, crying. He kept repeating that I was going to be okay. If it weren't for Xander, I wouldn't be alive right now. He saved my life, even though I totally rejected him earlier. I was so stupid.   
  
With Xander and Angel's help, I killed the Master. I don't remember the fight. I just went through the motions; my thoughts were on Xander the whole time. After the battle, we all went to the dance. Xander held me so close the entire night. He wouldn't let anyone else near me. But I didn't complain. It just felt right. I didn't reject him this time. And the kiss goodnight? It was magical. I feel like I'm floating right now. I don't know when things changed, but I'm so glad they did. But now, I have to sleep."  
  
Buffy smiled as she finished reading the passage. She knew Xander could be romantic, but not quite like this. The dance she remembered didn't end that way. But as she read, she could see the scene being acted out in her mind. Are they memories or just pictures created by the words I'm reading?' she wondered. Sighing in frustration, Buffy continued to read.  
  
Two hours later, Buffy finally finished catching up on her other life. Basically, she and Xander were inseparable since that night. Buffy and Angel never existed as a couple after the Spring Fling. Instead, Angel and Cordelia became an item. He lost his soul (So I guess my being his one true love was a bunch of crap. Probably said it to get me to sleep with him) and Buffy dusted him. But not before he could kill Jenny. Cordelia was so torn up that she left for Los Angeles early, finishing high school in the city. Oz and Willow dated and their life existed as Buffy remembered. Except there was no "clothes fluke" and Xander never kissed Willow. Oz never left. Apparently, Buffy was very happy in this life. Giles and her mother were happy. And Dawn was still that energy stuff, placed into their lives. 'And that means there is still Glory,' Buffy thought. 'Damn! Just when this was starting to get good.'  
  
A gentle tapping sounded at the door. Buffy stood up and walked over to answer it. Willow stood on the other side, grinning sheepishly.   
  
"Hey Wills!" Buffy smiled at her dear friend. "What's up?"  
  
"I almost forgot the shoes," Willow replied, holding up a pair of high-heeled pumps. Buffy accepted them and raised an eyebrow. "For your date tonight. To go with the dress Xander bought you," she rushed to explain.  
  
"Oh yeah," Buffy replied, moving over to the bed. The dress was still lying on the comforter. She had a date tonight. With Xander. Hmmm...if this was a dream, she might as well have a good time. "So, you gonna help me get ready?"  
  
"Of course," Willow replied, as if there were no other answer. She smiled, "You're gonna knock him off his feet tonight. Let's get busy!" Buffy just laughed at the girl's excitement and together, they rushed off toward the bathroom. This was definitely going to be a night to remember.  



	6. Enchanted Evening

"Wills?" Buffy hollered in order to be heard over the hairdryer.   
  
"Yeah?" her best friend replied.  
  
"Are you really over Xander?"  
  
Willow turned off the dryer and stared at her friend's reflection in the mirror. "Of course I am. I am happy with Oz. My crush on Xander died out years ago." Buffy smiled slightly, satisfied with Willow's answer. "Um Buffy?"  
  
"Hmmm?"  
  
"What made you ask that?" the witch asked. "You haven't worried about that in a long time. Are you and Xander having problems?"  
  
Buffy noticed the worry in Willow's eyes. "No," she assured the redhead, recalling patrol the night before. The memory brought a smile to her face. "There's just this thing bothering me lately."  
  
Willow watched as Buffy put the final touches on her hair. She could sense that something was bothering her. "Well..." she prodded. Getting no response, she continued, "Do you want to talk about what's really bothering you?"  
  
"It's this dream I've been having," Buffy began. The doorbell interrupted, breaking her train of thought. "That's probably Xander," the Slayer said, quickly standing. Her hands fluttered about, smoothing her dress and hair. Suddenly nervous, Buffy turned to her best friend, "How do I look?"  
  
Willow laughed, "You look beautiful," she assured her. "Now relax. I want details later." Willow headed out the door toward the stairs, "And we'll talk about that dream, too."  
  
Buffy glanced at her reflection in the mirror. 'Why am I so nervous?' she wondered. "It's just Xander," she muttered to herself. Taking a deep breath, she followed the path Willow had taken moments before.   
  
Xander's voice carried up the stairs. Buffy heard his familiar laughter and her heart began to race. "Oh god," she whispered, frozen in place halfway down the stairs.  
  
Xander stood at the base of the stairs, laughing easily with Willow. He wore black slacks and a deep green dress shirt. The top two buttons remained unbuttoned, giving Xander a relaxed appearance. Buffy was mesmerized by his dark good looks.  
  
Sensing Buffy's stare, Xander looked up. He stopped mid-sentence as he caught sight of his girlfriend on the staircase. Each time Xander believed he had seen Buffy at her best, she went and proved him wrong. His eyes traveled from her head to her feet, taking in every detail. Her hair was swept up in an elegant bun, accented with small, jeweled clips. The black fabric of the dress clung to her body in all the right places. She was gorgeous. She was his.  
  
"Wow!" Xander exclaimed.  
  
"Is that all you can say?" Buffy asked with a smile, moving down the stairs.   
  
"No, um," Xander stuttered. "Wow!"  
  
Willow giggled and moved toward the door, "Bye guys. I'll see you later."   
  
"Bye, Will," Buffy called after her friend, her eyes never leaving Xander's. She reached the bottom of the steps and offered her hand to Xander. He accepted it, bowing down and kissing it in a romantic gesture. Buffy blushed, unsure of how to act with this Xander.  
  
"You look absolutely beautiful," Xander murmured into Buffy's ear.  
  
She smiled and pulled back, giving him a quick once-over. "You look pretty amazing yourself. Those clothes are simply mah-ve-lous, dah-ling."  
  
Xander spun around, giving her a better look. "I aim to please. But then again, you picked them out, so how could they not? And I must say I picked the perfect dress out for you." Buffy was amazed to find out Xander had bought the dress for her. "Fair Buffy, your chariot awaits." Xander held out his arm. Buffy accepted, entwining her arm with his as they headed out the door.  
  
Buffy came to a halt once on the porch. Sitting in the driveway was a red convertible, mint condition. She was impressed. "So, what's with the wheels?"  
  
"Uncle Rory's mid-life crisis solution," Xander explained. "He's being generous and I'm taking full advantage of it."  
  
Buffy moved to the passenger side and waited for Xander to open her door. Xander, however, moved to the driver's side and climbed in.  
  
"It's not locked," Xander's voice was muffled through the car window. Buffy sighed and climbed in. Some things never change.  
  
The drive passed quickly. Buffy was surprised once more when Xander pulled into the parking lot of a fancy Italian restaurant.   
  
"You sure you can afford this place, Xan?" Buffy worried. The place oozed of elegance and wealth.  
  
Xander briefly looked offended, but covered quickly with his trademark grin. "Hey! I'll have you know that I'm a working man now," he replied. "Besides, tonight is a 'no-holds-barred' situation."  
  
" A no-holds-what?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Nevermind," Xander quickly covered, unsure himself of what he said. "All I meant is that nothing is too good for you."  
  
Buffy blushed as the couple entered the restaurant. Xander approached the hostess.  
  
"Hi, we have reservations for 7 o'clock," he motioned toward the book on her counter.   
  
"What's the name?" the hostess asked him.  
  
"Harris," Xander replied. "Alexander Harris."  
  
The girl skimmed the list of names. "Here you are. Party of two?" At Xander's nod, she grabbed two menus and motioned for the two to follow her. "Right this way."  
  
"Wow, reservations," Buffy murmured in Xander's direction. He tossed her a confused look as they followed the hostess through the maze of tables. "You actually had a plan," the Slayer rushed to explain.  
  
Xander smiled. "You have no idea." They came to a halt as they reached their table. Buffy was happy with the selection. It was a small table, slightly secluded, with a window view.  
  
"Your server will be right over," the hostess handed the couple their menus and headed back to her station.  
  
"I'm starving," Xander commented, opening his menu.  
  
Buffy smiled, "Oh yeah, like that's surprising."  
  
"What does that mean?" Xander asked.  
  
"Well, you know that expression, 'I can eat a horse?'" Buffy asked.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"I don't think a horse is big enough for you."  
  
"But I'm a growing boy," Xander argued. Buffy's laughter could be heard throughout the room, causing other diners to turn and stare. Embarrassed, she dropped her head, struggling to contain her giggles. She didn't know why she found his argument so funny, she just did.  
  
"Ahem," the waiter cleared his throat to get the couple's attention. "Hello, my name is Riley, and I'll be your server today." Buffy's head shot up as she stared at the familiar man beside her. It was Riley, her Riley.   
  
"Could I get you anything to drink?" Riley asked.  
  
"I'll have water for now," Xander replied.  
  
"And you, miss?" Riley turned to Buffy. She sat there, shocked.   
  
"Buffy?" Xander asked, curious about her reaction to the waiter.  
  
"Hmmm?" Buffy replied. "Oh, I'll have water, too." She paused for a moment. "Don't I know you from somewhere?"  
  
Riley looked at her, no recognition evident on his face. "Maybe you were in one of my classes. I'm a TA for Professor Walsh," he replied.  
  
"She's still alive?" Buffy asked, startled.  
  
"Yeah, she's alive," Riley looked hard at the girl, memorizing her features. He walked off to fetch their drinks.  
  
"What was that all about?" Xander asked Buffy.  
  
Buffy stared at Riley's retreating back. "I don't know," she lied. "He just reminds me of this commando I saw one time. And it wasn't Halloween."  
  
"You saw him commando?" Xander asked, mouth open. "Buffy! I'm shocked!"  
  
"What? No, I saw him dressed..." Buffy realized Xander was teasing her. She threw her napkin at him.  
  
"Oooh, frisky!" Xander laughed.  
  
"Here you go," the waiter said, placing the glasses of water on the table. "Are you ready to order?"  
  
"First, I have a question," Xander replied.  
  
Riley looked at the boy. "Ok, shoot."  
  
"Were you ever in the military?"  
  
"Yes, I was," Riley replied. "Why?"  
  
"Well, Buffy here thinks of you commando," Xander said. Buffy kicked her boyfriend under the table, earning a yelp from his direction.   
  
She smiled sweetly at Riley. "What he means to say is that you remind me of a guy I saw in the military."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Well, I'm ready to order," Buffy said, changing the subject. Riley looked at her, waiting for her instructions. "I'll have the pasta con broccoli with an order or garlic bread."  
  
"Would you care for soup with your order?"  
  
"No thank you," Buffy looked at Xander. "You ready?"  
  
"What kind of soups?" Xander asked.  
  
"We have a chicken noodle, cream of broccoli, and a spicy potato and sausage." Riley recalled the day's specials.   
  
"Ok, I'll have the spicy potato and sausage soup, an order of garlic bread, a small salad, Canneloni, and Chicken Parmigiano," Xander decided.  
  
Riley looked at him shocked. "Is that all?"  
  
"For now," Xander admitted, closing the menu. Riley took the menus and walked off.  
  
"Pig," Buffy said, pretending to be disgusted.  
  
"Yeah, but you love me," Xander replied. Buffy glared at him, but the corners of her mouth turned up in a smile, giving away her true feelings.  
  
Their food came and dinner progressed. Buffy felt so comfortable with Xander. He had a way of making her feel good about herself, just by being there. It's easy to see why she fell in love with him. Buffy stopped with that thought. She loved Xander. She knew that she did, with all of her heart. Was that the purpose of her dream? To make her realize her true feelings for Xander?  
  
Buffy didn't want to think about that right now. "I'm so full," she said, pushing her chair slightly back from the table.   
  
"Hey! Gotta leave room for desert," Xander motioned at the small cake their waiter was carrying over to their table.   
  
Buffy looked at her boyfriend, amazed at his voracious appetite. "Xander, you couldn't possibly eat any more!"  
  
He grinned. "Oh, but I could. And so can you."  
  
Riley placed the cake directly in front of Buffy. On top was written, "Happy Birthday, Buffy!"   
  
Buffy looked at Xander in confusion. "My birthday isn't until next week," she reminded him.  
  
"Yeah," Xander shrugged. "But in honor of your usual birthday disasters, I thought we'd trick it this year. Try to have a good one for once." Buffy felt tears threatening to fall. She couldn't believe he did all of this for her. Xander leaned over and handed her a knife. "Take the honors, birthday girl. Feed me."  
  
Buffy smiled and accepted the utensil. Leaning in to cut the cake, she noticed a small cluster of restaurant employees standing in a corner, not far from their table. "They're not going to sing, are they?"  
  
Xander followed her gaze and shrugged. "Nah, I knew I'd be in a lot of trouble if I went that far. It's just getting close to closing time." Buffy nodded her head and sliced into the dessert. She sliced into the cake a second time, but something was in the way of the knife.  
  
"There's something in this cake," Buffy muttered, digging her fingers into the spongy texture, trying to find the culprit. She felt metal and pulled the item out. After brushing off cake crumbs, Buffy revealed a small ring. She looked at Xander, shock written all over her face.  
  
Xander smiled. "Double chocolate with a hint of diamond," he said. "Just the way you like it."  
  
"Does this mean?"   
  
Xander moved over to stand in front of Buffy. Kneeling down, he popped the question. "Buffy Anne Summers, will you marry me?"   
  
Buffy could no longer fight the tears. "Yes, I'll marry you!" She leaned forward, falling not-so-gracefully into Xander's arms. But she didn't care. Applause broke out all around them. Buffy and Xander both glanced up to find all eyes on them. A few diners stood up, applauding their good news. Buffy laughed and gave Xander a quick kiss. "Now, how about that cake?"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Buffy couldn't believe everything Xander had done for her tonight. It was going to go down in history as the best Buffy Birthday ever. Not that there was much competition in that department, but still. "Xander, where are you taking me?" Buffy reached up to touch the blindfold, but Xander grabbed her hands.  
  
"No peeking," he instructed. "We're almost there." Buffy heard him open a door and felt his gentle touch leading her into a room. The door clicked shut and the Slayer felt Xander's hands fumble with the knot of her blindfold. The fabric fell away to reveal a beautiful apartment. The only items in the room were a stereo system and a blanket laid out on the floor. And candles. Lots and lots of candles that provided the only light.   
  
"It's beautiful," Buffy whispered.  
  
"It's ours," Xander replied. Buffy's gaze locked on his. "I closed on it yesterday." Buffy threw her arms around him, almost knocking him to the ground.  
  
Xander slowly pulled away from Buffy's grasp and moved to the stereo. Turning on the CD in the player, he moved to stand with his fiancee once more. "Would you like to dance?"  
  
"Here?"   
  
"Where else?" Xander glanced around. He held out his hand. Buffy placed her hand in his and he pulled her into his arms. Buffy closed her eyes and listened to the music. They began to sway slightly, barely moving at all. The music filled the rooms and the words touched their hearts.   
  
  
  
*Find me here  
Speak to me  
I want to feel you  
I need to hear you  
You are the light  
That is leading me  
To the place where  
I find peace again  
  
You are the strength  
That keeps me walking  
You are the hope  
That keeps me trusting  
You are the life to my soul  
You are my purpose  
You are everything  
  
And how can I  
Stand here with you  
And not be moved by you  
Would you tell me  
How could it be  
Any better than this  
  
You calm the storms  
You give me rest  
You hold me in your hands  
You won't let me fall  
You still my heart  
And you take my breath away   
Would you take me in  
Would you take me deeper now  
  
'Cause you're all I want  
You are all I need   
You are everything  
Everything*  
  
The song ended and Buffy stared up at Xander. His eyes were filled with love. "That song is perfect," she said. "That's exactly how I feel about you."  
  
"And that's how I feel about you," he replied. They leaned in and their lips met. The kiss was gentle at first, but soon gave way to the passion sizzling between them. Buffy ran her hands over Xander's arms, trying to pull him closer to him. Their tongues waged a war as hands attempted to remove clothing. Xander broke free and began to unbutton his shirt. Buffy quickly helped him, rushing to remove all barriers between them, wanting only to feel Xander, to join with him. Wanting only him.  
  
And that night, they celebrated their love. Over and over again until neither one could muster the energy to move. Buffy curled up against Xander, her hand brushing his stomach. "Xander," she whispered.  
  
"Yeah?"   
  
"I love you."  
  
"I love you, too."   
  
Buffy smiled and closed her eyes, falling asleep in the arms of the man she loved.  
  
  
  



	7. Sharing the Weight

  
  
  
"Buffy, wake up!"  
  
"Leave me alone, Xander. I want to sleep," Buffy moaned.  
  
"Xander?" the masculine voice definitely did not belong to Xander. Buffy opened her eyes and looked into Riley's angry ones.  
  
"Riley," she started.  
  
"You finally got it right, it only took you all night," Riley tried to mask the hurt in his voice.  
  
"I'm sorry, I was dreaming and," Buffy tried to explain. She stopped mid-sentence, unable to go on. She just wanted to go back to sleep. Her dream was so wonderful. Buffy didn't understand why she kept dreaming about Xander, but now she didn't care. Reality and Riley were intrusions.   
  
"Buffy!" Riley's voice invaded her thoughts. "You're not even listening to me!"  
  
Buffy watched as Riley angrily pulled on his clothes. She felt guilty because, try as she might, she couldn't deny his accusation.  
  
Riley glared at his girlfriend, "Look, until you decide you want to be with me, I'm going to stay away. Buffy, I love you, but I can't deal with all of the competition. I thought I had finally won after Angel, but now there's Xander too? I can't win."  
  
"Competition over what?" Buffy asked.  
  
Riley stopped just before reaching the door. Without turning, he replied, "Your heart."  
  
Buffy heard the sadness in his voice. "Riley," she tried to explain, but it was too late. He had already left. Buffy sighed and let her head drop back onto her pillow. "Why is real life so hard?" she muttered as she attempted to sleep once more.  
  
  
  
  
  
Buffy spent the day in a fog. She could vaguely recall her classes or lunch with Willow. Her mind remained focused on her dream and the intense desire to go back to sleep.   
  
"Earth to Buffy, come in Buffy!" Willow's voice disrupted Buffy's daydream. Buffy shook her head slightly, clearing her head.  
  
"Huh?" Buffy asked. "I'm sorry Will. I guess I'm a little distracted."  
  
"A little? I've been trying to get your attention for the past ten minutes," Willow informed her.  
  
"I'm sorry, what else can I say?"  
  
"How about what's on your mind?"  
  
"It's nothing," Buffy answered, a little too quickly. Willow just stared at her best friend. She knew something was going on, but she didn't want to press. Buffy sighed, knowing she needed to talk to someone. "Do you think things would be different if I never went away after I killed the Master?"  
  
Willow was confused. "How do you mean?"  
  
"What if I never went away? What if I stayed instead? What if I never got together with Angel?"  
  
"Buffy, what's with the 'what ifs?'" Willow asked. "You and Angel are, were soul mates."   
  
"Were we?" Buffy wondered. "Or was I just wanting the danger, the forbidden fruit?"  
  
"I don't know," Willow replied. She thought for a moment. "Things probably wouldn't have been that different."  
  
Buffy shook her head. "No, you're wrong. Things are totally different. Xander and I are engaged. My mom never got sick. She and Giles are married, making us a real family. Angel's gone thanks to Cordelia and you and Oz are still together."  
  
The redhead laughed. "You've obviously put a lot of thought into this." Willow noticed Buffy's serious expression and stopped laughing. "Wait a minute. What do you mean ARE?"  
  
Buffy looked at her best friend, tears gleaming in her eyes. "Will, I've been having this dream every night. It's so real; I'm beginning to get confused. I don't know what's real anymore."  
  
Willow rushed over to Buffy and wrapped her in a hug. "Shh, it's okay," the witch tried to console her best friend. Buffy's sobs grew deeper and Willow's heart filled with sympathy. "Why don't you tell me all about it?"  
  
Buffy sniffled and struggled to gain her composure. She took a deep breath and told Willow everything. She explained when the dreams began and how the lines were becoming fuzzy. The words spilled from her mouth, flowing like water. Willow was intrigued by Buffy's other world. It was pretty much the same, yet with a few major differences. She was still with Oz? Wow.  
  
"Wow!" Willow commented out loud when Buffy finished. "So, you and Xander are engaged, huh?"  
  
Buffy looked at Willow, a small smile tugging at her lips. "Yeah. Kinda weird, huh?"  
  
Willow nodded, "Uh-huh, but yet it seems perfect in some way."  
  
"The thought of us together doesn't bother you?" Buffy asked, unsure if she wanted to hear the answer.  
  
"Me?" Willow realized that Buffy was worried and rushed to assure her. "Buffy, you and Xander are my best friends. He has loved you for years. The thought that the two of you could find happiness together makes me happy."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Really," Willow replied. "Look, I had a crush on Xander and that developed into that weird fling that we never talk about and it almost cost me the man I love, loved, and we should never have done that because..."  
  
"Will, breathe," Buffy instructed the hyperventilating redhead.   
  
Willow did as she was told. Calmer, she tried again, "I have had two loves in my life, Oz and Tara. Xander was a crush. We work best as friends." Willow smiled. "Besides, I'd rather see the two you together than see him with Anya."  
  
Buffy shared her smile. "She is a little hard to stomach sometimes."  
  
"Xander, let's go have sex," Willow mocked, mimicking Anya. "I want sex. Xander, give me some money. Let's have sex. Money, sex, money, sex and oh-my-god-what-about-Riley?"  
  
Buffy was momentarily confused. "What do you mean?"  
  
Willow looked at the Slayer. "What happens to Riley?"  
  
Buffy sighed and shrugged. "I don't know. He and I have been having problems. Besides, it's not like there is anything going on between Xander and me. Right now, we're barely even friends."  
  
"Of course you're friends," Willow argued.  
  
"Yes, we're friends," Buffy agreed. "But we're not as close as we used to be. I know it's my fault and I'm trying to fix it. We're getting there, but there's still a long way to go."  
  
"He still loves you," Willow stated.  
  
"You think so?" Buffy asked quietly. "He seems to love Anya."  
  
Willow couldn't totally disagree. "I think he does love Anya in some way." Buffy's heart plummeted. "But Xander's love for you is and always has been greater."  
  
Buffy offered Willow a hesitant smile. "Honestly?"  
  
Willow smiled back. "Yes, honestly. His love for you has overshadowed every relationship he has ever had." Willow paused. "Just ask Cordelia."  
  
"No," Buffy argued. "You broke up that relationship."  
  
Willow groaned. "Yes, but you cracked that foundation long before I used the sledgehammer."  
  
Buffy laughed and Willow joined in. "Come on you crazy witch. Let's get to the Magic Box before Giles kills me."  
  
"Race ya!" Willow cried, taking off.  
  
Buffy stared in disbelief as Willow's bobbing head got further away. "Hey! No fair!" she raced after her friend. "Cheater!"  
  
  
  
  
The bell jangled as Buffy entered the magic shop. Willow sat at the table. Buffy glared at the witch, who promptly stuck her tongue out in retort. Buffy was going to comment on Willow's cheating ways when Giles decided to interrupt.  
  
"Buffy, you're late."  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes. "Relax, Giles. Willow and I were talking. We got caught up in the moment, you know, girltalk?"  
  
"Yes, well, do try to be on time," Giles replied.  
  
"Will do, chief," Buffy said with a mock salute.  
  
Giles looked at his Slayer, annoyed. Deciding to ignore her comment, he chose another angle. "How's your mother?"  
  
Buffy and Willow laughed, both remembering Buffy's dream world. Startled, Giles asked, "Did I say something funny?"  
  
Buffy tried to be serious. "Mom's fine, Giles. She's home resting but she should be back to her insane schedule in no time."  
  
"Good," Giles appeared to be lost in thought. Buffy assumed his thoughts were on her mother.  
  
"Ready to train?" Buffy asked her watcher.  
  
"Oh yes," Giles mumbled. "Xander's waiting for you in the back."  
  
"I thought he had to work," Buffy mused, heart racing at the mention of his name.  
  
Anya chose that moment to make her entrance, smoothing her shirt and fixing her hair. "He got off early and came to see me so we could have sex."  
  
"Wow, Anya. That's not as blunt as usual," Buffy grinded her teeth. "Color me impressed."  
  
Willow could see the fire in the Slayer's eyes. "Buffy," she warned.  
  
Buffy turned and regarded her friend. She offered an innocent smile. "What?" she asked. "I'm just going to train with Xander." She moved toward the back. "And I'll make him pay for banging his slut in MY training room," Buffy muttered under her breath.  
  
"Poor Xander," Willow murmured as she reached for one of Giles' books. She wanted to see if anything supernatural was causing Buffy's dreams. She had a theory, but didn't want to mention anything quite yet.  
  
Buffy stormed into the back room, slamming the door. Startled, Xander dropped one of the pads.  
  
"Buffster, what's up?" Xander was nervous. He could tell Buffy was mad. Before he knew it, he was knocked flat on his back and the Slayer was sitting on his chest. She glared at him, vengeance in her eyes.  
  
"Buffy...my dearest friend," Xander began. When Buffy didn't make a move, he continued. "Slayer of my heart, light of my life, girl who can kick my butt with both hands tied behind her back and a broken leg..." Buffy smiled. Xander sighed with relief, but it was short-lived.  
  
"Do I need to put up a sign that says 'No Sex Zone?'" Buffy smiled and pulled Xander to his feet. "Now, let's train."  
  
"Oh god!"   
  
  
  
"Thanks for walking me home, Xander," Buffy looked over at her friend. They had just finished patrol and she was tired. The night had been confusing. Buffy didn't know how to act around Xander anymore. She was acting like a schoolgirl, getting tongue-tied and all red. God, she was an idiot! At least she didn't have to deal with Riley right now.  
  
"Well, it's the least I could do," Xander replied. He walked her up to the door. He caught a brief glimpse of his reflection in the window. "So, wonder how long this one'll last?"  
  
Buffy leaned over and gently touched Xander's swollen eye. "I'm sorry. I've already said that a million times," Buffy sighed. "It's not my fault anyway."  
  
"Oh right, like that vampire just threw me into your fist," Xander argued. Buffy just glared at him. "All right, he did," Xander finally admitted. "But I could've taken him."   
  
"You did." Buffy reminded him.  
  
"Oh yeah," Xander remembered. "So, same time tomorrow?"  
  
Buffy smiled. "Yeah, I'll beat the crap out of you and then we patrol." She waited a few seconds before continuing. "Xander?"  
  
Xander, halfway down the walk, turned and regarded Buffy. "Yeah?"  
  
"Just you and me, tomorrow?"  
  
Xander smiled. "Sure. Just you and me." At the sidewalk, he turned once more and saw Buffy watching his departure. "Night Buffy!"  
  
"Night Xand," Buffy whispered and turned to go inside.  
  
  
  



	8. Unexpected Visitors

Buffy sighed as she opened her eyes. Which world was she in? Her double life had been going on for almost two weeks now and she was tired. She didn't know what was real anymore and she wasn't sure how much longer she could take it. Both Willows were hard at work, trying to find out what was happening to her. But so far, no such luck.  
  
"Buffy!" Joyce's voice was muffled through the door. The doorknob turned and the door creaked open. Joyce stuck her head through the opening. "Better get up or you'll be late for class."  
  
Buffy noticed the scarf on Joyce's head and figured she was in world one. The world now known as "Not with Xander." She saw her cross necklace and bare ring finger and knew she was right.   
  
"I'll be ready in a minute," Buffy rolled out of bed and headed for the bathroom. She climbed into the shower and let the hot water rush over her tired body. She was always tired now. Before, she had been getting by on the bare minimum of sleep. But now, it felt like she never slept. In a way, she guessed that was true.  
  
'At least school is easier,' Buffy thought. It had better be. Most of her classes were identical, so she had to sit through the lectures twice. Total deja vu. Cruel and unusual punishment? Yes. But helpful? Definitely.  
  
Buffy turned off the water and methodically went through the motions to get ready for school. She pulled on an outfit, not caring about how she looked. She was too tired to care.  
  
"Honey, are you all right?" Joyce looked at her daughter, concern in her eyes.  
  
Buffy glanced at her mother. "Yeah, mom. I'm fine." Joyce stared at the Slayer, not believing a word she said. "Really," Buffy tried to assure her.  
  
Joyce decided to let it go. "Maybe we could go shopping later. You know, spend some time together, just the two of us."  
  
Buffy smiled at her mother's attempt. "Could I get a raincheck on that?"  
  
Joyce smiled, "Of course, dear. Tomorrow?"  
  
"Is this for me or for you?" Buffy laughed.  
  
"Maybe both of us. I'm just worried about you," Joyce admitted. "Ever since you and Riley began having problems, it seems you haven't been sleeping."  
  
Buffy's face grew dark. "Riley and I are working on it. In fact, we have plans tonight. That's why I can't go shopping."  
  
"That's good honey," Joyce replied. "Just try to get some sleep. Please? For me?"  
  
"I'll try, Okay?" Buffy sighed.  
  
"That's all I ask," Joyce commented before falling into silence. Gauging her daughter's reaction, Joyce asked, "How's Xander?"  
  
Buffy's face lit up. "Xander's doing really well. His construction job is perfect for him. He's really good at it."  
  
"And how's Anya?"  
  
"They're still very happy together," Buffy growled. She hated thinking of them together. He deserved so much more than even she herself could give him. But she would still like the chance to try.  
  
Joyce watched her daughter carefully and smiled. 'So Buffy has feelings for Xander,' she thought. 'I wonder what brought that about.'  
  
Buffy gathered her stuff and made her way to the door. "Well, I gotta go or I'm gonna be late!"  
  
"Have a good day!" Joyce called out as Buffy closed the door behind her.   
  
Sighing, Buffy began the long walk to the campus. Sometimes, she missed living on campus. Other times, however, she enjoyed the time alone. This was one of the latter. It gave her time to think.  
  
The dream served many purposes to Buffy. Mostly, it made her painfully aware of what she was missing in life. In her dream, she had a real family and good friends. But most of all, she had a love. A love so generous and caring, she knew she would never be alone again.  
  
In real life, things were completely different. She was incredibly lonely. Physically, Riley was still around. But they didn't have any emotional connection. To be honest, Buffy didn't know if they ever did. Buffy still had her friends, but they were no longer as close as they used to be. Time had caused them to drift apart and go their separate ways. The biggest loss, in Buffy's opinion, was Xander. He had moved on. He found a new love, had a new place, a new job. He didn't need her anymore. But Buffy needed him. She knew that now, but was it too late?  
  
The day flew by and Buffy drifted from class to class. She went to each class, took notes, and struggled to stay awake. Finally, she found herself sitting in Psychology 201. The dull drone of the other students' voices lulled Buffy to sleep.  
  
Willow, explaining her new discoveries, watched as her best friend's eyes closed. The witch felt bad for her. Living two lives had to be hard on her. Constantly moving, never knowing what exactly was going on. It had to be rough. Willow understood Buffy's short attention span. She was trying to find a solution, but so far, there was nothing. In fact...  
  
"Um, Buffy!" Willow nudged her friend.  
  
The blond grumbled and attempted to turn away. The redhead gently shook her until she opened her eyes.  
  
"What?" Buffy growled. Willow mutely pointed to the front of room. Professor Walsh was at her desk, pulling notes from her briefcase. "So, Professor Walsh is here," Buffy mumbled. The Slayer realized the room was silent. Glancing around, she noticed the shocked looks on the other students' faces.   
  
"Willow?"  
  
"Huh?" Willow squeaked.  
  
"Professor Walsh is dead in this world, isn't she?"  
  
"Uh-huh!  
  
"Okay," Buffy drawled. "I guess it's time to go to Giles."  
  
  
  



	9. Confessions and Conclusions

  
  
  
  
"Good Lord!" Giles cursed. "And she just walked into the room."  
  
"Yeah," Willow replied. "She just walked in and began lecturing, just like she used to."  
  
"Boring lecture, too," Buffy added.  
  
"And the other students?" Giles prodded. "How'd they react?"  
  
"They just sat there," Buffy said. "I guess they were too shocked to do anything else."  
  
"Well the subject was people's reactions to death," Willow observed. "Maybe they thought she staged her death to make a point."  
  
"A year ago?" Buffy rolled her eyes.  
  
"Hey!" Willow tossed up her hands. "It could happen."  
  
"What could happen?" a voice called from the doorway.  
  
Buffy smiled to herself. She'd know that voice anywhere. "Hey Xan!" she said, not turning around.  
  
"Hey Buff," Xander pulled out the chair next to the Slayer and sat down. "So, what's going on, guys?"  
  
Buffy sighed and leaned against Xander's familiar form. "Professor Walsh taught Psychology," she stated as Xander wrapped his arm around her shoulder.  
  
"So? We knew that," Xander smiled as Buffy snuggled deeper into the crook of his arm. She closed her eyes and Xander scowled at the dark bags marring her pale complexion. 'Wasn't she getting any sleep?'  
  
"No," Willow interrupted Xander's thoughts, seeming to answer them. "Professor Walsh taught our class today," she clarified.  
  
Xander was confused. "Isn't she dead? I mean, she did die, right?"  
  
"Yes," Riley confirmed as he entered the room. "She died twice. But this Professor Walsh is very much alive." The ex-commando tried to suppress his jealousy when he saw his girlfriend curled up in Xander's arms. 'They're just friends,' he tried to convince himself.  
  
"So, I repeat. What's going on?" Xander asked the assembled group.  
  
"Well, it could be..." Giles began.  
  
"I think it has to do with Buffy's dream," Willow interrupted.  
  
"Dream?" Giles looked thoughtful. "A prophetic dream?"  
  
"Not exactly," Willow replied. "But Buffy should explain it." The redhead glanced at her friend and saw that she was asleep. "Or I could try."  
  
"Perhaps that would be best," Giles encouraged.  
  
"Well, Buffy has been leading a double life lately. First, she has this life. Then there is this dream life. But to her, they are both real. Giles, look at her!" Willow motioned to the sleeping blond.  
  
The Watcher looked hard at his Slayer. "She has appeared rather tired lately. How long has this been going on?"  
  
"Three weeks."  
  
"Three weeks!" Giles was angry. "You didn't think to share this information with me sooner?"  
  
Willow hung her head. "Buffy wasn't ready. We were trying to figure it out on our own."  
  
Xander intervened on behalf of his friend. "So, what happens in these dreams?"  
  
Willow thought carefully about her answer. "Well, most things are exactly the same as they are here." Willow explained Buffy's dream world, leaving out a few major details. She thought it would be best if no one else knew that in the dream Buffy is engaged to Xander or that Giles and Joyce are married. Some things are better left unsaid.  
  
"So Deadboy and Cordelia, huh?" Xander mused. "Can I just say ewww?"  
  
"Where am I in all of this?" Riley wondered out loud. Surely he has to play a pretty important role in Buffy's dream. He is the boyfriend.  
  
"Um...you are a waiter at the Italian restaurant on Grand," Willow admitted.  
  
Riley laughed. "That's funny. No, really..." He noticed Willow's confused look and stopped laughing. "You're not joking, are you?"  
  
Willow shook her head.  
  
"I'm a waiter? That's it?" Riley muttered in disbelief.  
  
"Well, it appears that the two worlds are crossing," Giles agreed with Willow's earlier statement.   
  
"But this is reality, right?" Xander asked.  
  
Willow offered a nervous laugh. "Of course this is reality. I mean, of course we're real."  
  
"They always say that," Buffy's tired voice disrupted the uneasy silence that had fallen.  
  
"Well, what do you think is real?" Riley asked her.  
  
Buffy noticed Riley for the first time since he had arrived and struggled to sit up. "I don't know," she told him. Glancing at each person surrounding the table, she repeated, "I honestly don't know any more." She looked at Giles, "What do we do now?"  
  
"I'm not sure," the Watcher answered. He saw the silent pleading in Buffy's eyes. "But we'll figure something out."  
  
"Hey!" Xander exclaimed. "I have an idea. Why don't we handle the patrol tonight so Buffy can get some sleep."  
  
"No, Xander," Buffy argued. "It's my job."  
  
"Nonsense," Giles disagreed. "Xander's right. Riley, would you please take Buffy home and make sure she gets some rest?"  
  
"No problem," Riley stood up and offered his hand to Buffy. She accepted it and he pulled her into a standing position.   
  
"Buffy, go home and get some sleep," Willow ordered.  
  
"But," Buffy fought back a yawn.  
  
"No buts," Willow argued.  
  
"Now get out of here, you crazy kids," Xander smiled. "We got ourselves some work to do."  
  
"All right," Buffy gave in. She looked at Xander and mouthed 'Thank You.' Xander nodded his head in acknowledgment.  
  
"Shall we go?" Riley glanced at his girlfriend. She stared up at him and offered him a weak smile.   
  
"Bye guys," Willow hollered as the couple left the building. Once they were gone, she turned to the remaining two. "What do you think it is?"  
  
"I'm stumped," Xander admitted. "Giles?"  
  
The Watcher had stood up and was flipping through the pages in one of him musty tomes.   
  
"Giles?" Willow prodded.  
  
"Ah, here we go," Giles commented as he found the section he was looking for.  
  
"What is it?" Xander was curious.  
  
"Well, Buffy in not experiencing an alternate universe because she apparently exists exactly as she is in each world. And I don't believe we are dealing with an enhanced reality. That would cause the entire population to be affected."  
  
"Like that thing with Jonathan. If it's not those, what is it?" Xander snapped.  
  
Giles grew agitated at the boy's lack of patience. "It appears that we are dealing with a dual world."  
  
"What exactly is that?" Willow asked.  
  
Giles removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes. "A dual world is a combination of an alternate universe and an enhanced reality. Both worlds co-exist, but one person exists exactly as is in both worlds. For that person to live both lives, they do so while sleeping. When they are in the first world, they are sleeping in the second and vice-versa. Oftentimes, the worlds are so similar, the person simply believes he or she is dreaming."  
  
"But they're not?" Willow was beginning to catch on.  
  
"No. They are actually living the other life. They wake up and usually the only thing they remember is the very realistic dream they had. This is the cause of deja vu. And often, the person wakes up more tired than when they fell asleep," Giles tried to explain.  
  
"Does this happen often?" Xander inquired.  
  
"Actually, it is an unproved phenomenon. But in my opinion, yes," Giles answered. "It usually happens sporadically, not on a day-to-day basis."  
  
"What happens then?" Willow asked.  
  
"No one knows for sure," Giles said. "My guess would be that both worlds go on, similar to alternate universes."  
  
"But what is happening with Buffy?" Xander's worry was evident in his voice.  
  
"Apparently, the force of the Hellmouth is at work. It appears that she is living both lives and it is taking its toll. That is probably the reason that things are also crossing over from world to world," Giles commented.  
  
"Gotta love that crazy Hellmouth magic," Xander stated with a wry smile. "So, G-man, how do we fix this?"  
  
"I'm not sure, actually," Giles admitted.  
  
"And what will happen to Buffy if we can't fix this?" Xander looked at the British man for answers.  
  
"I'm afraid Buffy will die."  
  
  
  



	10. Comfort and Care

  
  
  
  
Buffy yawned and stretched, slowly opening her eyes. She glanced around the room and smiled. She was in heaven, the blissful warmth of Xander's bed. Her bed. In their apartment. Buffy released a content sigh and rolled over, only to find the bed empty.  
  
"Xander!" Buffy called, wondering where her love had gone.  
  
"I'm here," Xander's voice called from the doorway. He stood, propped against the wall, watching her.  
  
"What are you doing?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Watching you," he replied honestly.  
  
Buffy saw the passion in his eyes. She glanced down at the rumpled sheets and blushed. "Why?"  
  
"You're beautiful," Xander stated. He was in awe of this woman, his fiancée. Wow! His. That one word meant more to him than any other in the English dictionary. Xander moved across the room, closing the distance between himself and his blond goddess.   
  
"You're just saying that," Buffy mumbled as she pulled the sheets tighter around her.  
  
"Don't!" Xander grabbed Buffy's hand and pulled it down. The sheet fell down around her waist. "I want to look at you."  
  
"Why?" Buffy asked again. Her skin felt warm, responding to Xander's touch. A simple look from him and her heart sang.  
  
"Why not?" Xander murmured. He leaned in and brushed her lips with his own.  
  
What began as sweet and gentle quickly grew into fiery and passionate. Xander's clothes disappeared in a flurry of motion. All that mattered to them was the moment. Buffy and Xander were together and he intended to make sure it would last forever.  
  
"I love you, Buffy Anne Summers," he whispered into her ear.  
  
She smiled, "I love you, too, Alexander Lavelle Harris."  
  
Afterwards, Buffy curled up, wrapped safely in Xander's loving embrace. She flipped over to face him and noticed his serious expression.  
  
"What's wrong?" Buffy asked, fearing his answer.  
  
"I should ask you the same thing," he replied. Buffy looked scared and Xander rushed to explain. "I've noticed you lately. You're always tired. And sometimes you act..."  
  
"I act like what?" Buffy asked out loud. 'Oh God, does he know?'  
  
"Well, almost like a different person," Xander responded. "I mean, you're Buffy. But you're not exactly 'My Buffy,'"  
  
"'Your Buffy?'" Buffy pulled back, angry at his implications. "How am I different?"  
  
Xander sighed, "I'm not saying anything sweetheart." Xander pulled her closer and nestled her head on his arm. "I'm just worried about you. Something's bothering you. I've tried to be patient, but it's killing me."  
  
Buffy couldn't prevent the lone tear from falling. "I'm sorry," she whispered.  
  
Xander took his thumb and rubbed her cheek. "I'm here, Buffy. Talk to me."  
  
Buffy knew he was right. The gang in the other world knew about her dual life. She needed to share this information with Xander. Her Xander. But should she tell him everything?  
  
"Once upon a time there was this girl who led a double life..." Buffy began.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Wow!" Xander exhaled after Buffy finished her story.  
  
"Do you hate me now?" Buffy asked, her voice barely above a whisper.  
  
"Hate you?" Xander asked, shocked. "How could I hate you?"  
  
"Because I've been keeping secrets from you," Buffy felt awful. She had been lying to Xander for so long, keeping the other life from him. 'No more,' she promised herself.  
  
"Buffy," Xander said, pulling her closer, "I could never hate you. I don't understand why you haven't told me earlier, but that doesn't matter. I love you. No matter what."  
  
Buffy smiled and placed a gentle kiss on the tip of Xander's nose. She felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders. "I love you, too."  
  
"So how'd you find out about this dual world thing?" Xander asked.  
  
"Giles called me before I fell asleep," Buffy explained. "The other Giles, that is. Maybe we should call him 'Alterna-Giles.'"  
  
"And he's married to your mom?"  
  
"No, he's still a lonely bachelor," the Slayer replied.  
  
"And Oz is gone?"  
  
"Long gone."  
  
"And Will is a lesbian?" Xander asked. Buffy nodded. "Cool!" Xander paused. "But we're not together?"  
  
Buffy wanted to cry. She could still feel the loneliness that engulfs her in the other world. To be so close to Xander but not be able to touch him. It was Hell on Earth. How did she ever go so long without noticing him? Inconceivable.  
  
"Well, that's it, then," Xander commented. Buffy looked at him, questions in her eyes. "That world can't be real. Why you'd dream of a world where we are apart is beyond me, but it can't be real."  
  
Buffy was so happy, she felt like she would burst. She threw her arms around Xander in a big hug.  
  
"Uh Buffy," Xander moaned. "Slayer strength."  
  
Buffy pulled back and offered a sheepish grin. "Sorry."  
  
"Sure," Xander mumbled. He looked at the blond and smiled. "I know why you dream of that other place."  
  
"Oh yeah," Buffy wondered what was going on in Xander's warped mind. "Why's that?"   
  
"You dream of a place without me so you learn to appreciate what you have."  
  
Buffy swatted playfully at her companion. "You're horrible!" she cried.  
  
Xander tried to avoid Buffy's flying hand and succeeded only in falling off of the bed and onto the floor. "Ow!"  
  
"Serves you right!" Buffy gloated.  
  
"Buffy, just one question," Xander said from his place on the floor.  
  
"What's that?" Buffy asked, hanging over the side of the bed.   
  
"Who's Anya?"  
  
  
  
  
  
~Summer's House~  
  
  
  
"Giles!" Buffy hollered, entering the house. "Mom!"  
  
"Looks like no one is here," Xander said, walking up behind Buffy and wrapping his arms around her waist.  
  
Buffy laughed as Xander buried his face in her neck. "Xander, that tickles."  
  
"Good!" came the muffled reply.  
  
"Buffy, is that you?" Giles voice grew closer as he came down the stairs.  
  
"Yeah Giles," she hollered. "In the living room."  
  
Giles entered the room and gave his stepdaughter a hug. "Xander," he offered his future son-in-law his hand. "So, what brings you two here? Did patrol go all right tonight?"  
  
"Yeah, patrol was fine," Buffy answered. "You better sit down. This story is long and I'm tired of telling it."  
  
"She's leading a double-life," Xander offered.  
  
"Okay, so it's not that long," Buffy muttered.  
  
"What sort of double life?" Giles interest was piqued.  
  
"Well, Alterna-Giles said it was a dual world, that I'm literally living two separate lives. They are very similar, but not entirely. And somehow this lovely Hellmouth of ours is causing it to happen night after night."  
  
"A dual world?" Giles began to move toward the door.  
  
"Giles, where are you going?" Buffy asked.  
  
"The magic shop," the Watcher replied. Turning to the other two, he asked, "Coming?"  
  
"Right behind you, G-man," Xander grabbed Buffy's hand and pulled her out the door.  
  
  
  
  
  
~Magic Box~  
  
  
  
"Ah yes, here we go," Giles pulled out the worn book that contained the information on dual worlds.  
  
"I know there isn't much information," Buffy said, "but it's the best we've got."  
  
Giles barely paid attention to the Slayer as he read the brief theory. "So, both worlds go on simultaneously?"  
  
"Well, I'm living one life while I sleep in the other," Buffy explained.  
  
"So that's why you're so tired?" Xander asked. "You're not getting any sleep?"  
  
"Not really," Buffy answered. She yawned as if to underline her exhaustion.  
  
"Buffy, you have to sleep," Xander worried. "If you don't..."  
  
"She will die," Giles interrupted.  
  
Startled, Buffy glanced at her Watcher. "So, how do we fix this? Giles, I don't want to die due to lack of sleep. There's no honor in that." Xander reached over and gave her hand a reassuring squeeze.  
  
"I honestly don't know, Buffy," Giles admitted. "Dual worlds have only been talked about in theory before."  
  
"So, in theory, how do we make it stop?" Buffy pleaded.  
  
"I'll have to do some research. Possibly get in touch with the Council," Giles told the young couple. He looked at Xander. "Xander, why don't you take her home and giver her some sleep medication." Xander nodded his head in agreement. "Buffy, take the medication. Hopefully, that will force you to get some sleep. Maybe stay in this world."  
  
Buffy felt numb. Once again, her life was in danger. But this wasn't something she could fight. Not yet, anyway. "You'll call..."  
  
"If I find anything?" Buffy nodded to confirm Giles question. "Yes, of course."  
  
Xander led Buffy out onto the sidewalk. He remained silent, solid as a rock. Buffy looked over at her boyfriend and was shocked to see no expression. Nothing. His eyes were focused on something in the distance. Buffy looked closer and noticed the slight twitch at the base of his jaw.  
  
"Xander," Buffy touched his shoulder.  
  
With her touch, Xander lost control. "It's not fair!" He screamed into the night. His fists clenched up and he looked around for something to hit. Finding nothing, he released another scream of frustration.  
  
"Xander," Buffy said again, tears streaming down her face. Seeing her tears, Xander calmed down. He instantly felt guilty for making her cry.  
  
"Shhh," Xander whispered, wiping her tears away with his thumb. "I'm sorry, baby."  
  
Buffy sobbed against Xander's chest as he enveloped her in a loving embrace. Buffy cried tears of fear and exhaustion until she could cry no more. Finally, she took a deep breath and looked up. Buffy had been so involved with her own agony, she failed to notice Xander's. She gently tugged on his sleeve and they began the short walk back to their apartment.  
  
"What's not fair?" Buffy asked, remembering Xander's earlier outburst.  
  
"What?" Xander responded, momentarily confused. "Oh, it's just that every time things seem to be going really well, the Hellmouth has to go and screw it up."  
  
"I know," Buffy added, knowing exactly what he meant. She was truly happy here in this world and now, she was fighting for her life. Fighting an unseen force with no knowledge to use as ammunition. "Life sucks sometimes."  
  
"No," Xander disagreed. "The Hellmouth sucks. Life is wonderful. It was a strange twist of fate that brought you into my life. Luckiest day in the life of Xander Harris."  
  
Buffy smiled and leaned against her boyfriend, "I love you."  
  
Xander smiled as she said those words. Three little words that he never tired of hearing. "I love you, too," he responded. "And Giles will figure something out."  
  
"Of course he will," Buffy agreed. "He always does."  
  
  
  
  
  
~Magic Box~  
  
  
  
"And you'll report back to me as soon as you know anything?" Giles spoke to the person on the other end of the phone line. "Very well. Thank you."  
  
Giles hung up the receiver and removed his glasses. Books lay scattered about the room, covering most flat surfaces. The Watcher had gone into full research mode as soon as the store had closed. So far, he had come up empty-handed.  
  
The phone rang and Giles lifted the receiver to his ear. "Magic Box, Giles speaking."  
  
Giles the voice on the other end confirmed.  
  
"Yes, may I help you?" Giles thought the voice sounded strangely familiar.  
  
Buffy is in danger  
  
"Who is this?"  
  
Cordelia had a vision. Riley is going to kill Buffy.  
  
"Cordelia...who is this?" Giles asked again.  
  
It's Angel...Giles, did you hear me? Angel sounded annoyed. Buffy is in danger  
  
"Angel?" the color drained from the Englishman's face. So the worlds were crossing. "Dear lord," he muttered.   
  
  
  
  



	11. Shocking Discovery

"Buffy?"   
  
Buffy struggled to overcome the grogginess that came along with waking up. She opened her eyes, squinting against the bright light of day. Xander smiled down at her, his brown hair mussed from a night of attempted sleep.   
  
"How do you feel?" Xander asked the blond.  
  
"Like I got hit by a truck," Buffy answered honestly. She hurt all over. Her muscles screamed in agony when she attempted to stretch. "Or was it a train?" Buffy thought out loud about her condition. "Xander, why do I hurt?"  
  
Xander looked guilty. "Well, the sleeping pill didn't work, but you needed sleep."  
  
"And?" Buffy prodded.  
  
Xander held up a syringe needle and ducked his head. Buffy glared at him when she realized what had happened. "You sedated me? With what?"  
  
"Leftover wolf tranquilizers," Xander shrugged. "Did you stay in this world though and get some sleep?"  
  
Buffy thought about it. "Yeah, I guess I did. I do feel like I've slept for the first time in weeks. But tranquilizers? Let's not make a habit of this, okay?"  
  
"Promise," Xander swore, crossing his fingers behind his back. 'Screw that,' he thought to himself. 'I'm not about to lose her. Not now, not ever.' "So, what do you think happened in the other world?"  
  
"I honestly don't know," Buffy admitted. "I guess the world probably went on like usual, just like it did when I was still living only one life."   
  
"But you like this one best don't you?" Xander asked, trying to mask his worry.  
  
Buffy smiled and looked deep into his eyes. "There is no competition. I am only complete when I am with you. There I am just a hollow shell of myself. How could I ever choose that world over ours?"  
  
Xander smiled and lifted Buffy out of bed, holding her close. "I knew you'd say that."   
  
Buffy wrapped her arms around Xander's neck, wincing slightly. "I need to take a shower and then we have to go see Giles. See if he has any answers."  
  
Xander nodded and set Buffy back on her feet. She moved toward the bathroom, turning around, halfway there. "Coming?" she asked, her voice seductive.  
  
Xander grinned, "Thought you'd never ask?" He rushed across the room and tossed Buffy over his shoulder. Her squeal was the last thing heard as the door clicked close.  
  
  
  
  
  
~Magic Box~  
  
  
  
"Buffy," Giles greeted the young couple as they entered the store a few hours later. "How did it go last night?"  
  
"Everything went fine," Buffy assured her Watcher. "I got a full night's sleep with no alternate world to invade my life, thanks to Tranquilizer-boy here." If looks could kill, Xander would be a smoldering pile of ashes.  
  
Xander shrugged, "Hey! At least it worked."  
  
"Uh-huh," Buffy said. "Now I know how Oz feels."  
  
"How I feel about what?" Oz asked, coming from the back room.   
  
"Being shot with a tranquilizer," Buffy replied.  
  
"Oh," Oz sat down at the table, pushing a heavy book aside.  
  
"So, G-man, find anything out yet?" Xander asked the older gentleman, eager to solve their latest crisis.   
  
Giles removed his glasses and Buffy sighed. This was never a good sign. "Well, the Council is looking. So far, nothing has surfaced. But we will find something."  
  
"And?" Buffy asked. "Look Giles, I know you're hiding something. What is it?"  
  
Giles exhaled and sat down. "I got a call from Angel last night."  
  
"Yeah, so?" Buffy was confused. "What's the big deal?"  
  
"Buffy, Angel doesn't exist in this world any more," the Watcher reminded the Slayer.   
  
Xander stared at Giles. "What did he say?"  
  
"He said Buffy was going to die," Giles said. "He mentioned a name. Riley, I believe it was."  
  
Xander closed his eyes. Buffy winced as his hand tightened possessively around hers, but she didn't say anything. "Did he say anything else?"  
  
Giles shook his head. "Nothing."   
  
"This Riley is in her other life," Xander mentioned. "Maybe he'll try...Buffy, are you okay?" Buffy was swaying slightly at his side, holding onto his arm for support.  
  
"I'm just so dizzy," Buffy admitted. Her head was spinning. Xander began to reach for a chair, but Buffy went slack in his arms. She fell to the ground, no longer aware of her surroundings.  
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`  
  
World 1   
  
  
  
Buffy slowly opened her eyes. She was in her room, at her mother's house. It was dark outside. 'Why am I here now? I should be with Xander, how did I get here?' Buffy realized she wasn't alone in the room. She glanced over at the door and saw Spike standing, bathed in moonlight.  
  
"Every time you show up like this, you risk all of your parts, you know that?" Buffy glared at the intruder.  
  
Spike rushed to defend himself, "I wouldn't be here if I didn't have a good reason. As usual, I'm here to help you, and I - are you naked under there?"  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes. Typical Spike. "Get out."  
  
"No, I'm serious. I mean, not about the naked part, I mean..." Spike craned his neck, attempting to see under the covers.  
  
"Get out or I will drop you out head-first." Buffy threatened.  
  
"I wanna show you something." Spike spoke in a low, serious tone.   
  
Buffy realized he was serious. "What?"  
  
"You need to see this," Spike responded. Buffy sighed. "But we need to move if we wanna get there in time."  
  
'What now?' Buffy wondered. She looked at Spike and raised her eyebrows. 'I am not about to change in front of him. No free shows for the dead guy.'  
  
"Oh, please! Like I give a bloody damn." Spike scoffed as he turned around. Buffy glowered as she quickly changed into some nearby clothes. 'This had better be good.'  
  
Silence filled the night as Buffy followed Spike to an old, abandoned warehouse. 'And this is unusual, how?' Buffy wondered as she focused on the vampire in front of her. They entered the dark, dingy building.   
  
Buffy was disgusted as she looked around. The place reeked of filth and death. There was garbage lying in piles all around. But that wasn't the most disgusting thing in the room. That honor went to the people, the live humans there, paying to be sucked on by vampires. Buffy fought the urge to reach for a stake.  
  
Spike sensed her intentions, "Don't stop, Slayer. This isn't what we're here for." He nods to some stairs. Buffy begins to head up them, but stops when she hears a scuffle.  
  
"What do you think you're doing?" a vampire asked Spike.  
  
"Just having a little look, mate. Keep it down." Spike tried to ignore the annoying intrusion. He attempted to follow Buffy once more, but was stopped by the vampire once again.  
  
"You can't go up there."  
  
Spike grabbed the vampire by the throat and tossed him aside. "I said to keep it down." The platinum-haired vampire turned back to the stairs, adjusted his jacket, and followed the Slayer.  
  
Buffy was confused. The second floor was in the same condition as the first floor. 'What is so important about this damn building?' Buffy was getting agitated. Spike leads her to a slightly open door. With a nod of his head, he let her know that whatever he wanted to show her was on the other side. Buffy walked through the door and stopped, shock registering on her face. Riley sat on the other side of the room, bare-chested, allowing a vampire to drink from his arm.  
  
"Harder," Riley ordered, unaware of the spectator now in the room. Buffy gasped, causing Riley to look up. The vampire continued to drink as Riley gulped. "Buffy."  
  
Buffy didn't know what else to do. She just turned and ran.  
  
  
  
  
  



	12. Confrontations

  
  
  
  
Buffy angrily beat the punching bag. She felt like such a fool. A fool that didn't see what had been in front of her all along. Xander. Instead, she passed him up time and time again. For what? A dead guy who left her and a creep who only wished he were dead. If an outsider were to see her, it would appear that Buffy was hurt and angry. But Buffy had to admit, if only to herself, that she wasn't hurt. Just pissed off.  
  
Buffy was so intent on the punching bag, she didn't notice when Riley walked up behind her.  
  
"We need to talk," he said.  
  
Buffy continued punching. "I'm not ready to talk to you yet." He could just leave for all she cared. She was trying to figure out how to make things better for her in this life. How to earn Xander's forgiveness for ignoring him all of these years.  
  
Riley took off his jacket and walked over to the punching bag. "Too bad," he said, taking hold of the bag.   
  
Buffy stopped punching. "I'm serious," she turned away. "Unless you want to fight," she threatened.  
  
"So let's fight. We need to have this out, Buffy. Right now," Riley became frustrated.  
  
Buffy grew annoyed. 'What does he want from me? Forgiveness? Will that make him go away?' Out loud, she said, "And say what, Riley? 'What were you thinking? How long have you been lying to me?' Nothing you say right now is gonna make this better." She turned away again.  
  
"I realize that," Riley grabbed her arm and swung her around to face him. His voice grew angry, "I don't expect...I just need you to hear me out."  
  
Buffy narrowed her eyes. Quietly, she responded, "Fine. Get your hand off of me."  
  
Riley let go and walked a few steps away. "I think, when this thing started, it was just some stupid, immature game. I wanted to even the score after you let Dracula bite you."  
  
Buffy was shocked. So now it was all her fault. In a way, it was. She had overlooked Xander. Had she noticed him sooner, none of this would have happened. But she was not the cause of Riley's betrayal. "I did not *let* Dracula..."  
  
Riley knew she was right, "I know. On some level I know that. But I was still spun...I don't know, I - I wanted to know what you felt. I wanted to know why Dracula and Angel have so much power over you."  
  
Buffy's blood began to boil. She shook her head, "You so don't get it."  
  
"I wanted to get it, Buffy. I wanted to get you."  
  
'And here we are, back to the beginning,' Buffy thought. "So this is my fault? Hey, gee, Buffy's so mysterious, I think I'll go out and almost die. I think I'll go and let some other w..." Buffy couldn't continue, so she dropped her head down. Anything was better than looking at him.  
  
Riley rushed in an attempt to fix the mess he created, "This isn't your fault. It's mine. I feel like hell for what I've put you through." Buffy refused to look at him. 'Well, duh!' she thought. "It's just...these girls..."  
  
'Um, girls? Not quite.' Buffy argued, "Vampires. Killers."  
  
Riley continued, "They made me feel something, Buffy. Something I didn't even know I was missing until..."  
  
Buffy was disgusted. "I can't. I can't hear this." She attempted to turn away, but Riley prevented her from doing so.  
  
"You *need* to hear this," he told her.  
  
Buffy pulled her arm from his grasp and moved a few feet across the room. "Fine. Fine! Tell me about your whores! Tell me what on earth they were giving you that I can't."  
  
"They needed me," he said.  
  
"They needed your money. It wasn't about you."  
  
Riley was defensive, "No. On some basic level it *was* about me. My blood, my body. When they bit me ... it was beyond passion. They wanted to devour me, all of me."  
  
"Why are you telling me this?" Buffy begged to know.  
  
"It wasn't real. I know, it was just physical," Riley admitted. "But the fact that I craved it ... that, that I kept going back ... even if it was fleeting, they made me feel like they had such... hunger for me."  
  
"And I don't ... make you feel that way?" Riley looked away and Buffy had her answer. "How on earth can you compare me to that? How can you tell me you understand what those vampires are feeling? You aren't a passion to them, you are a snack! A willing, idiotic snack."  
  
Riley raised his voice in anger, "No, I know exactly what they feel when they bite me, because I feel it every time we're together. It's like the whole world falls away. And all there is is you."  
  
"And you think that I don't feel the same way about you? How dare you tell me what I feel?" Buffy struggled to keep her anger in check.  
  
"You keep me at a distance, Buffy. You didn't even call me when your mom went into the hospital." Riley had a point, but at this point in time, it meant nothing.  
  
Buffy couldn't believe he pulled that low blow. "Oh, I'm sorry. You know, um, I'm sorry that I couldn't take care of you when I thought that my mother was dying."  
  
Riley felt frustrated, "It's about me taking care of you! It's about letting me in. So you don't have to be on top of everything all the time."  
  
'Did he understand her at all?' Buffy wondered. "But I do. That's part of what being a slayer is. And that's what this is really about, isn't it? You can't handle the fact that I'm stronger than you."  
  
"It's hard sometimes, yeah. But that's not it," he admitted.  
  
"Then what? What else do you want from me, Riley? I've given you everything that I have, I've given you my heart, my body and soul!"  
  
Riley didn't believe her, "You say that, but I don't feel it. I just don't feel it."  
  
"Well, whose fault is that? Because I'm telling you, this is it, this is me. This is the package. And if it's so deficient that you need to get your kicks elsewhere ... then we really have a problem."  
  
"They want me back, Buffy ... the military." Buffy was shocked. "It's deep undercover, no contact with civilians. Transport's leaving tonight."  
  
"Tonight? When were you gonna tell me about this?"  
  
"I'm telling you now," he said.  
  
"Are you going?" Buffy asked.  
  
"I don't know. If we can't work this out..."  
  
"Then what? This is goodbye?" Riley shrugged and Buffy got mad. Once again, she chose this guy over Xander? "You are unbelievable. You're giving me an ultimatum?"  
  
Riley denied it, "No, I'm not."  
  
"Yes you are!" Buffy argued, "You expect me to get over it now or you're gone!"  
  
"I don't, Buffy, that's not what I meant."  
  
"Well, I have heard enough. I will not take the blame for this." She began to walk away.  
  
"I'm not asking you to," Riley grabbed her arm yet again.  
  
"Let go of me!" Buffy was incensed.  
  
"Or what? You'll hit me?" Buffy stared at Riley as he spread his arms out. "Go ahead. Come on, do it," he challenged.  
  
Buffy didn't fall for it, "Get out of my way."   
  
"I'm serious, Buffy, hit me. Hit me," Riley ordered. He walked up to her, but she walked around him, grabbing her jacket from the hook. "I'm leaving, Buffy."  
  
Buffy stopped walking, but didn't turn around. He spoke to her back. "Unless you give me a reason to stay...I'm leaving tonight."   
  
Buffy paused for only a moment before walking out the door. 'Good-bye Riley.'   
  
The Slayer didn't make it very far before she found herself surrounded by nine vampires. Buffy can feel the anger sizzling in her veins. These vamps chose the wrong night to mess with her. In a short matter of minutes, she had disposed of them all. Nothing remained but ashes scattering in the slight breeze.  
  
Buffy's Slayer-sense tingled and she knew she was not alone. A slight smile appeared as she realized who the intruder was.  
  
"So, how'd that work out for ya?" Xander asked, emerging from the shadows. "Make you feel better?"  
  
"What are you doing here?" Buffy asked, ignoring his questions. He looked good. It took a great deal of restraint to keep her from throwing her arms around him and never letting go.  
  
"I thought you might need to talk. Then I saw the skirmish happen. I was gonna lend a hand, but I noticed you grew a few extra ones."   
  
Buffy smiled slightly, but it went unnoticed by her companion. "Something's up. You're acting like a crazy person." Xander told her.  
  
Buffy didn't know how to react to that. She walked away, entering a nearby warehouse. Xander followed her in, still talking. "Take this, for instance. You don't wanna deal, so you hide? It's not very slayer-like."  
  
"Just leave me alone, Xander. You have no idea what's going on," Buffy couldn't even begin to explain the situation to him. Not now. At the moment, she just wanted to be alone so she could figure out how to correct everything that had gone horribly wrong.  
  
Xander responded, "No? Good, so you and Riley *aren't* imploding? It doesn't take a genius. What I can't figure out is how you never saw it coming."  
  
Buffy is surprised. "What? Who told you?"  
  
"Nobody told me anything, Buffy. It was right in front of my Xander face. The guy would do anything for you."  
  
'He's not the only one,' Buffy thought.  
  
"The guy got himself bit by a vampire!" Buffy yelled. Xander is surprised, but quickly masked it. "He lied to me. He ran around behind my back and almost got himself killed! And now he tells me that he's leaving with some covert military operation at midnight unless *I* convince him not to. Now tell me that you understand. Because I sure as hell don't."  
  
"You gonna let him go?" Xander asked.  
  
Buffy sighed, "It's not my decision to make."  
  
"Of course it is."  
  
"Well, it's not fair," Buffy cried.  
  
"Who cares if it's fair?" Xander asked. "In about twenty minutes, Riley's gonna disappear, maybe forever, unless you do something to stop him."  
  
"What am I supposed to do? Beg him to stay?" Buffy could not what Xander was telling her. Did he not love her anymore?   
  
"Why wouldn't you?" Xander was incredulous. "To keep Riley here..."  
  
"I don't even know who he is any more," Buffy admitted. She wondered if she ever really had. "I mean, I thought he was ... dependable."  
  
"Dependable? What is he, State Farm?" Xander cried.  
  
Buffy deflated, "You know what I mean."  
  
"Yeah. I think you mean convenient. I think you took it for granted that he was gonna show up when you wanted him to, and take off when you didn't."  
  
Buffy winced internally as his words hit the bulls-eye. She lashed back, "Look who's talking. Look who has Anya following him around like a lovesick puppy."  
  
"Oh boy, is this *not* about me," Xander steered the conversation back on course.  
  
Buffy couldn't drop it, "Is she more than a convenience? 'Cause that would kinda be a surprise."  
  
Xander grew angry, "If you don't wanna hear what I have to say, I'll shut up right now."  
  
Buffy couldn't believe they were fighting, "Good, 'cause I don't." She began to walk off, but Xander intercepted her.  
  
"I lied. See, what I think, you got burned with Angel, then Riley shows up."   
  
"I know the story, Xander," Buffy felt she deserved it. Xander had a lot of pent-up anger at her. She deserved everything he threw at her.  
  
Xander continued, "But you miss the point. You shut down, Buffy. And you've been treating Riley like the rebound guy. When he's the one that comes along once in a lifetime. He's never held back with you. He's risked everything. And you're about to let him fly because you don't like ultimatums?"   
  
Buffy's eyes begin to water as she realized what Xander was doing. He wanted her to be happy, no matter what. He felt Riley could do that, so he was helping her, even if it hurt himself in the process.   
  
Xander told her, "If he's not the guy, if what he needs from you just isn't there, let him go. Break his heart, and make it a clean break. But if you really think you can love this guy ... I'm talking scary, messy, no-emotions-barred need ... if you're ready for that ... then think about what you're about to lose."  
  
Buffy looked up at Xander, tears in her eyes. "Xander..."  
  
"Run," was all he said. But he wasn't expecting what happened next. Instead of running, Buffy pulled him closer and kissed him. She kissed him with all the pain and longing she had been carrying around with her in this world. Xander told himself he should resist, but his heart disagreed. He quickly forgot everything he had told her. None of that mattered right now. She might regret it later, and he'd pay the price when it came. Right now, though, she was his. For this moment in time, he would actually get what he wanted.  
  
Buffy leaned closer, relishing Xander's musky scent. Things were far from perfect, but she had taken the first step in rebuilding their relationship.  
  
It's funny how things can change in a matter of seconds. Buffy noticed the intruder first. Then she saw his gun. Without thinking, she threw Xander to the ground. The bullets ripped through her body, causing excruciating pain. "Riley," she whispered in shock as she fell to the ground. Riley, seeing the blood seeping from Buffy's body, dropped the gun and ran.   
  
Xander crawled over to Buffy, lying on the ground. "Oh God, Buffy! Buffy! Don't die on me! You can't die here. Not now. Buffy!"  
  
  
  



	13. New Beginnings

  
  
  
  
Xander's voice was the only thing Buffy could hear. "C'mon! Breathe! Breathe!"  
  
Buffy wanted to breathe. It just hurt too much. But Xander sounded so desperate. She had to try, if only for him.   
  
"Buffy!" Her name on his lips, a cry of agony. She had to try.   
  
Buffy's eyes shot open and she fought the wave of confusion that swept over her. She couldn't figure out where she was. All she knew was that Xander was there. She turned her head and coughed up mouthfuls of water. 'Where did that come from?' she wondered. Her lungs hurt, a deep, searing pain that wouldn't quit.  
  
Xander looked down at Buffy with love in his eyes. He gently brushed his hand across her forehead. "Buffy," he said, the word tinged with his love for her.  
  
"Xander?" Buffy still felt confused.  
  
"Welcome back," he whispered.   
  
Buffy felt the strangest sense of deja vu. She looked at her surroundings and finally recognized them as the Master's lair. But how did she get there? And where did Angel come from?  
  
Angel and Xander helped Buffy stand up. She looked down and noticed that she was wearing the dress her mom had bought her for the Spring Fling. That fateful night so many years ago.  
  
"Easy, easy," Xander said.  
  
"Wait..." Buffy stopped them. Needing to be sure, she asked, "What year is this?"  
  
Xander gave her a strange look but decided to forgive her for her strange question. She had died and everything. "It's 1997."  
  
1997? That means...Buffy released a sigh of relief as she realized she had been given a second chance. She had the chance to make things right. To make her life better. She could be happy. "The Master?" she asked.  
  
Angel replied, "He's gone up."   
  
Buffy starts to head up, but is stopped by Xander. "No. You're still weak."  
  
"No. No, I feel strong. I feel different," Buffy smiled. She was different. She had seen the light. It may have been one of the strangest ways possible, but she had seen the light. And she refused to retreat back into the dark. "Let's go!"  
  
"Are you sure?" Xander asked.  
  
Buffy smiled and reached for his hand. She pulled him closer. "Yes, I'm sure," the Slayer said. "We'll win. I know this because you would never let anything happen to me." Buffy leaned in and kissed Xander and walked off, leaving a dumbfounded human and stunned vampire behind.  
  
Things would be different. She would make sure to do it right this time.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Additional disclaimer: Joss Whedon also holds the rights to "Prophecy Girl." Couldn't have given the ending away, now could I?  
  



End file.
